It's amazing how slowly I wrote the numbers 1 to 100 down on a piece of paper, and then how quickly I filled the spaces next to them. I call it "The List." What I mostly hate about the list is that it's never finished. It's only added to, or moved on to the next list before all 100 items of business are completed. "Send in VISA application," "Complete final paperwork," "Organize Pub Night Fundraiser." The list goes on. I have anxiety about the list.

 

Yesterday, the skies were not blue. The sun did not grace us with its presence and the weather did not hug my skin. T'was a dark grey outside and the air was sweating. The clouds looked angry and I felt a deep uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. It started to come up and up... I was thinking about the list.

 

There are 29 days left before I leave and 100 things to do. I'm almost worn out. I'm almost overwhelmed. But not quite. I just want to thank everyone who's helping me out, especially with my pub night. I want to thank everyone who's helping support me financially while I'm away. I want to thank my friends for getting so excited everytime I talk about my trip, to remind me not be so stressed out. Mostly, I want to thank my parents for having my back. I know that whatever I don't complete on the list, they got it covered. I told myself I could do it without their help this time. Sometimes though, all I need is the reassurance that if everything falls through, they're only most happy to help. So thank you everyone. Thanks for reading this blog.

 

I have exactly 76 days left to prep for my 8 months in Africa, (if I've counted right). Let me give you an idea of my average day. I wake up, usually just in time to run out the door to work. I hostess at the Boathouse for 5 hours and then I`m off! But just in time to run home and get changed so I can make it on time to Starbucks where I work for another 7-8 hours. I usually get to bed by 2am. I take my Sabbath friday night and saturday day. That`s my time to rest, but lately it`s only been my time to do anything else. As terrible as it sounds, these days my weekends have been even busier and more stressful than my weekdays. My time to prepare for Africa would be in the mornings that I get off here and there, like I did today. In those few hours, I try to get as much done as possible. Already this week, I`ve booked my plane tickets, bought health insurance, booked appointments with doctors, got my police clearance check and I`m on my way, but still there is much to do. Next to me on the couch I have a list of things I MUST get done and soon. It`s a long list and it feels like it keeps growing.

 

So why, in all this haste and urgency, did I plan a vacation this summer. My friend and I bought tickets to a concert in LA. We`ll be road-tripping down in just 11 days, to be gone for a whole 10 days! I need to save my money for Africa, hence the two jobs this year. But I also need a vacation. For so long, I`ve been focussing on the money aspect. I`ve been praying about it and talking about it and freaking out about it! I had forgotten that God is good and He will provide. No matter what, if He wants me on this trip, He will provide. By going on this road-trip, my intention is not to kick back and let God do all the work. On the contrary, I mean to work my butt off. But I forgot (as I tend to do) what the whole point of my trip is.

I was preparing only for the cost, I wasn`t preparing myself. How do I expect to be in the field, being discipled, learning new ministries, starting new ministries, working alongside real-life missionaries, raw, naked in the field and not be ready on a mental, emotional, spiritual level. Take all my money away! I would be more prepared if I just stood still and listened to the voice of God. But my running around won`t allow it. So I`m going away friends and family! I`m bringing some books, I`m bringing my Bible and my best friend! I`m going to have fun, relax completely for the first time in a long time. It will be fun, it will be a week to remember! But most importantly, I hope to come back refreshed and ready to do all that God is about to do through me!

 

I ask for prayer, not for the money, but for the end of my worry about money. I ask for prayer for my road-trip, that we will be safe and come back 100% rejuvenated. I ask for prayer that my soul and my mind and everything that is in me will be ready by the time I step off the plane in Johannesburg. Thank you for all your support! God bless!